Monthly Archives: July 2012

The Tyranny Of Boxes

My sister once told me how when she was pregnant, my mother hoped I would be a boy so that “the other boy would have someone to play with.”  It never occurred to her that we might be completely opposite … Continue reading

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Nothing Was Ever Enough

Roughly two years ago I inadvertently saw a picture of my mother online when doing an internet search.  I was repulsed in fear and panic that lasted for hours.  Recently I repeated this search, and I saw pictures of all … Continue reading

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Another Wall Falls

I was finishing a separate post yesterday which ended with the line “…since in the past everyone seemed to think that if it was someone in the family, it must have been my father.”  Suddenly an image came into my … Continue reading

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The Crush of Surreal Expectations

“I expect, no, I DEMAND that you do what we say!” my mother shouted at me when I was nineteen years old.   That was the way she always spoke to me, and I suffered a great deal due to their … Continue reading

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Emotional Honesty Is Great (on the futility of labeling emotions)

When I was in fourth grade, the teachers and other students would try to get me to smile, by telling a joke, tickling, or calling attention to me. No one asked why this little boy might be unhappy, no one … Continue reading

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Intentional Miscommunication

In my family, there was no communication; there were a lot of feelings expressed, but they changed minute-to-minute and nothing was constant except what wasn’t being said. The secrets in the background, the incest, the bullying, gossiping, and complete lack … Continue reading

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Boundaries: what is a door?

One morning when I was sixteen years old I was sleeping naked in my bed when suddenly my eighteen year old brother opened my locked door and stepped in, announcing that he was borrowing my vcr, followed a minute later … Continue reading

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